Whenever find yourself siding with the majority, it is time to stop and reflect.
-Mark Twain
This prompt inspired me to this…
My mom, an avid reader, could find the most interesting of books. On one of her excursions she went to our local city library by bus and rummaged through all the old books that they had offered to the public. She found a book titled 10,000 DREAMS INTERPRETED by Pamala Ball.
fast forward….
My sweet mom gave that book to me in my 30’s, it’s gotten me through a lot of really bizarre and sometimes fantastically creepy dreams(another blog post for another time).
The reason this book is mentioned at all is because I saw or heard that quote somewhere and wrote it inside the spine of the book around when I met my ex.
Just to give context and a bit of a time line we’ve been separated for almost 10 years now, a large bullet we both dodged. This quote pulled me through some really tough times and tough decisions. Like when a whole family wants to do something and it just doesn’t feel right. Or when somebody throws out a, but, everyone is doing it scenario; and then proceeds to manipulate or badger you into doing something you really do not wanna do. But you are disassociated emotionally so you just go along to maintain the peace.
Yes, words for some of us are very powerful and that is why we all need to stop and reflect. May be honestly ask yourself a really tough question like:
Am I really happy with myself?
I did that about one year ago or so now, you know like right after the vid(Pandemic)hit us like a tsunami. Boy did it send me down a freaky rabbit hole of fun and not so fun facts about myself. With that said though; I am more than pleased with my, what I like to affectionately call, the re-acquainting period in my life. I learned what narcissistic behaviour is and that I have an unregulated nervous system that I have been working really hard on healing. I had to fight many personal and not so personal battles in my 51 years but trying to love myself has never been one of those battles, even after convincing myself that it was! I may(or may not)have seemed different to my close friends and family when at my lowest but I have always been in touch with my foundation. My goals, my values and my beliefs essentially have stayed strong ever since my first poem at the tender age of 7ish. The only difference from then to now is I am willing to say things like, Sorry NOT sorry, and mean it. I can also give a definitive “No.”to someone and look em’ in the eye and they will not challenge me. Two things that come quite easily to some and not so much for others, like myself. All in all life is bloody hard sometimes, but it’s in the stepping back and really being accountable for yourself, that you do your best work. They great part about my life’s lessons about myself is I can learn, apply, and than share all my education with anyone who might feel the need to reach out for help.
That especially includes the ones closest to me.
JM❤️🩹
The First Word 