Farce

As lives came and went;

I never found him;

In madness and faith I believed.  And believed;

A taker just a taker;

A giver that can only give;

Together they never must live.

Resentment insidious as communication lacks;

Unbridled passions just dying to burst;

As the victim plays on, in the game he called love.

Freedom won, no redemption is sight;

As I give of myself no longer.

His next victim, he seeks;

With charm oozing from his pores;

In hopes of a new gas lit hole to command;

A beating heart to steal, just so he can feel.

I had this ‘gem’ hidden in my drafts.  I am glad I found it because I was afraid of writing for a while, because it tells my truth and I felt such shame.  My shame in being with a man for so long that never really loved me.  Only needed me to further his unrealistic ideals of being a ‘family man’.  I was the older women, dreaming of a white picket fence and the idea of going at life with a loving partner by my side.  He promised me marriage, even after he changed his mind and didn’t want to marry we still had a beautiful baby.  I wanted my daughter and wouldn’t change that for a thing.  However, much to my dismay and later my relief, it did not change the fact that he never really planned to marry me.  It turned out that he is a narcissist, and I felt trapped.  I held on for far to long and had a hard time accepting the fact that he could only take.  Never give.  If he gave, I would have to pay, somehow, always. Now I am on my own again, extremely thankful that I never actually married him.  Now I am thankful for my freedom, my security, and my authenticity.  Things I was so desperately missing while I was with him.